Chris Havercroft’s masterpiece of a review has completely summed up my feelings on Chris Brown, so I won’t indulge in the sheer hate I feel for the ‘singer’.
In fact, I’m actually not even outraged at Chris Brown’s comeback. I’m well and truly impressed.
Press reps, agents and managements – whoever was responsible for getting Chris Brown’s name shining back in glittering lights deserves an applause. How. The. Fuck. Did. They. Manage. That?
Now, I’ve watched a lot of Entourage. So, ipso facto, I’m pretty much whiz when it comes to the show-biz industry. And if season 5 has taught me anything, it’s that a movie star’s career can go tits up just by making a bad film. Chris Brown, however, didn’t make a poor record (in fact, he made more), didn’t drop a controversial one-liner in an interview, nor was he caught DUI like the rest of those cray-zay Hollywood hoons. What he did do, is severely and somewhat publicly beat up his girlfriend.
Now, I just feel as though that has to be a career deal-breaker in this day and age. Like, “Sorry Chris, but those swings were career kryptonite. The one thing you really shouldn’t do as a public figure, let alone a human being, is assert your masculinity in a dominant position and attack people in marginalised groups. We just don’t think there’s any hope that you’ll become a likeable celebrity again. Here’s a cardboard box, go pack up your desk.”
But by some miracle, Brown is back in the spotlight. I can’t imagine what kind of drive a person must have in order to revitalise the career of a violent and untalented pop-star, so I can only imagine Chris Brown is the client of a manager who lost their house, care and complete fortune at the dog tracks.
“Oh gawd Chris, ya gotta make some more money. We gotta make this work.. They’re sayin’ they is gunna take my legs, Chris!”
So surely there his desperate little manager was, calling up every one he knew in the business, working 24 hrs a day. “Listen… I know the record label ain’t interested anymore… But we need this, Mr Jones. I need this… They is sayin’ they’re gunna hurt my kids.”
Chris Brown was never a big deal to begin with. He was a pop-singer, not a superstar. Okay, so there’s speculation that Michael Jackson may have touched a few pre-pubscents. He is the King of Pop and regardless of his private life, his music is unfortunately too good to shy away from. Chris Brown on the other hand is just another faceless contemporary R&B singer. I couldn’t even name, let alone recall, one hit that he brought out during his reign of ‘success’. Oh, except to Rhianna’s face that is.
Case closed. The public could have lived without Chris Brown’s elixir of a career. Surely education the culprit and the public, a lesson on assault is more important than producing another track that will keep the Mooseheads Nightclub patrons dancing.
Hey Chris, would you mind passing on your genie-of-a-PR-rep’s details to Andy Muirhead? Maybe we could all be convinced that he too is worthy our media market. Cheers.